Step Forward and Fustrations Would DIsappear!

To all little angels and fighters: how do you want to live your life?
Happiness is indeed a matter of choice! If you are willing to step forward to look for it, if you have positive views on things, if you stop pitying yourself, you will find that happiness is just around you!

I graduated five years ago and found a job that gave me something I never had in school before – confidence, money and friends. But I still felt lonely! In addition, due to pressure from work and obsessive participation in “weight-losing programmes”, I continued to eat excessively at irregular times and tried to compensate by self-induced vomiting. Until a year and a half ago, I was completely disappointed by my love, my family, career and friends……I was lost and confused and I felt I simply could not take it anymore! I cried everyday. I continued to suffer from binge eating and vomited 2-3 times a day, 4-5 days a week. I thought binge eating could help me escape from all the problems. But the more I ate, the more I cried; the more I cried, the less I wanted to live. But I just could not control myself!

After I found out about HEDA, I began to see a psychotherapist for treatment, took part in the Patients' Sharing Group, the Cognitive-Behavioural Therapentic Group and many different kinds of activities. Apart from gaining a much more in-depth knowledge of binge eating and nutrition, I realized I had been haunted by some unhappy memories from childhood. The reason I never saw my problem was either due to my low self-esteem and stubbornness, or that I was blinded by my arrogance. Consequently, I saw binge eating as a way to escape from my problems ……

Now that I’ve matured, I have improved my control over the problems of binge eating and self-induced vomiting. I would like to say a big thank you to all the little angels here! Because of them, I have learnt a lot about myself and made me see things positively in life. I’ve learnt that no matter how old you are, there’s always a lesson to be learned about life. I’ve also learnt to appreciate fully what I possess and that I’m not the most unlucky person in the world. If you are willing to give unconditionally, you will find that life is full of meaning! Do not underestimate the power of a small change. Give everything a try to initiate a change. You will enjoy the reward eventually!

During the treatment, I experienced much emotional disturbances. The speed of full recovery varies from one person to another. Sometimes it got so bad that I wanted to end my life. But if you pluck up your courage, look forward and think positively, all the unfortunate events will disappear. “Roads are created by mankind. If you don’t walk, you will never know how!”

Thank you, God! When I fell, I met many kind of angels: Phillippa, Penny, Carmen, Cecilia, Tse Yin, Mandy, Elsa, Angela, Taffy …… and all the fighters like me! I appreciate very much every effort made and encouragement given!

Y (still working on it)
March 2006

Face the problem and you'll be able to find yourself again!

I used to have a large appetite in the past but about two years ago, I started to suffer from eating disorder and depression. Since then, not only did I lose my appetite, I became anti-social as well. I refused to eat and gave up on myself. My body gradually became weaker and saw a drastic loss in weight.

Fortunately, my parents learnt of eating disorders and recovery/treatment centres from a radio program. They arranged a meeting with Ms. Yu. I didn’t want to attend the meeting since I didn’t realize my problem then. All I knew was that I was extremely unhappy. But I turned up for the meeting anyway on a Saturday afternoon.

At first, I was very scared and didn’t know what to say. After a while, I expressed my anxieties and felt a lot better on the way home. On the one hand, I had to receive psychotherapy on a regular basis. On the other hand, I had to follow the doctor’s prescription to take serotonin regularly for medicinal purposes. My condition had slowly improved. I had also slowly restored my weight from 78 pounds. Since I was diagnosed with binge eating, I wouldn’t accept the fact that my weight gain was accelerating a lot faster than the other sufferers. But looking back at the times when my limbs were weak and bony, and I looked as if I were flying around like a ghost since I was so light (according to my family and friends), I feel a lot better now that I have much more physical strength to do whatever I want.

I have gradually learnt to let go and care for others. So I began to take part in voluntary work. During the process, I have slowly rebuilt my confidence and self-assurance. I realized that I can, like many others, handle all kinds of different tasks. And I also learnt that if I’m willing to try, I could be successful.

Although I haven’t fully recovered, I know if I am willing to face the problem, I must be able to overcome my eating disorder and depression and become my smiley old self again

Breakthrough

Although I had a fat body physique since I was small, I never used to pay much attention to it. But all had changed when I entered secondary school, because I began to recognize the problems that obesity brought me. My classmates began to throw me disapproving looks and my confidence in the past gradually disappeared and was then replaced by low self-esteem. I have thought about dieting many times. However, due to lack of perseverance, there was never a considerable change in my body shape. Luckily, I still had a couple of friends at school. So I thought as long as I have friends, I didn’t care how the others looked at me. As a result, I ignored the problem.

Year and year past by and my school life ended finally in five years' time. Now, I had to face the society instead of my classmates and teachers. Since I knew it’s hard for fat people like me to get a job, I was very determined to lose weight!

After about a year of daily exercising and adopting a no-carbohydrates diet, my weight had dropped from 160 pounds to 110 pounds and I was very satisfied with such a result! I kept receiving peoples' praises and I felt that all my efforts and persistence had finally paid off! Despite the fact that I had reached a quite standard weight, I still had very strong desire to lose weight. Just that this time, the way of doing it was by severe dieting.

I began to think that the thinner I became, I would receive more admirations from the people around me. So I ate less and less until I ate almost nothing at all. Very soon, I weighed only 80 pounds. My physique had worsened and there was obvious damage to my intestines. It was so painful! At that time, my family only realized that my body’s immune system was deteriorating. They were not aware that I was having psychological problems as well. Day after day, my physical illness had taken control of my emotions. Every time I was feeling down, I wanted to talk to someone so much but I felt that no one could understand me! I felt like a bird trapped in a cage. The worse the problem became, the more I wanted to avoid it. I became weaker and weaker in person. Nevertheless, I realized I wasn’t the only one suffering. My family was also having a hard time, especially my mother who was dearest to me since I was small. She had been looking everywhere for the best treatment and had not stopped worrying about me for one moment. I felt so bad when she became so weary because of me. So I told myself: I needed to wake up! I needed to escape from this cage! I didn’t want my family and friends to worry about me anymore! I must search for my goal of life!

After a month’s struggle (which was a very hard one), I’ve finally let go. I don’t care what people think of me. I realized that it is health, not your body shape, which defines beauty. Health is beauty!